How to write a B2B sales email: avoid this mistake

Below is a transcript of the video.

Dear person I’m desperate to land as a client

We are a global provider of proprietary, scalable solutions…

Hmm.

We deliver unprecedented excellence at optimizing efficiencies…

No, how about…

We’re the number one provider of cross-platform integration capabalization…

Stop doing this!

That client you’re desperate to land doesn’t care about your credentials. Because… 

One: they probably don’t know you

Two: they definitely don’t care, and 

Three: why should they believe you anyway?

It’s not just that language like scalable solutions and cross-platform integration capablization is a one-way ticket to yawnsville.

It’s that your reader, like all of us, is interested in one thing and one thing only - and it’s not your credentials, however you talk about them.

So what is that number one topic that intrigues, fascinates and engages your reader?

Them of course. 

So forget banging your own drum, blowing your own trumpet and singing your own praises.

Your starting point needs to be your reader.

If you demonstrate an understanding of their world, of the problem or problems they face - which you, of course, are equipped to take away - then the powerful side-effect of that will be that you’re showing them you’re great at what you do.

And showing them you’re great at what you do is always going to be more persuasive than telling them you’re great at what you do.

Now the other magical thing about starting with your reader is that it will totally transform your words so they’re something sparkling and irresistible.

If you do it right - and I’m going to show you how to do that in a minute, the actual language you use will be totally different - and much more persuasive to your prospect.

Now, you may be thinking, blathering on about proprietary solutions and unprecedented excellence sounds professional - and if you do, you’re not alone.

But a much more effective way to persuade your prospect isn’t to use this kind of “professional” language.

Because this is the language of the seller. And if you want to sell, you need to speak the language of the buyer.

A much more effective way to get your reader to take notice is to talk about their problem in the words they would use, not the words you or your company uses. 

You want them to be able to recognise themselves in your words so they instantly get how your message is relevant to them. 

So. How do you do that?

One word: 

Listen.

Talk to your existing clients. Interview them about how you help them.

Read reviews of your products. What is it that people rave about?

Read competitor reviews. What do customers or clients say about other, similar products on the market?

What have your customers or clients said about their problems?

Or even what your actual prospect herself has said in, say, press coverage or on social media?

When you do that, you go from this stuff about scalable solutions:

We are a global provider of proprietary, scalable solutions designed to optimize efficiencies in our clients’ businesses, powered by cutting-edge AI.

To something like this:

Are you losing bookings to a manual check-out process that leaves clients waiting for hours for confirmation? Would you like to see an end to those frustrating no-shows? Would you like to free your staff from hours of admin, so they can spend more of their day on what they do best - providing your clients with an unforgettable spa experience? 

Can you see the difference?

“A scalable solution designed to optimise efficiencies” is so abstract and vague it could mean anything to anyone.

But with the rewrite, the writer is demonstrating a clear understanding of who the reader is and the problem they face - in this case, a spa manager missing out on bookings.

And they’re also giving a clear idea of what the writer’s cutting-edge AI can do for that one specific customer.  So the reader can picture the difference the technology would make. It promises happier clients, happier employees and, ultimately, a more successful business.

So… for better sales messages, stop selling and start listening. 

And if you’re still feeling icky about selling yourself or your business, you really need to watch this video next.

For more writing advice, enrol in my online course, Writing With Confidence, available at the Doris and Bertie Writing School.

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